A couple of years ago, in one of my Wacky Weave workshops, there was a woman who could crochet immensely fast. She had a wild look in her eyes as she was looking straight at me while hooking away wildly. I assumed she was showing off her speed. But I wasn’t impressed. I never had the urge to work on my crochet speed or knitting speed. For me, my crafts are something therapeutic. Always has been. Always will be. I rush in many areas of my life, out of necessity. I am sure as hell not going to rush in my crafts.
I was due to start spinning my purple yarn yesterday, but I just could not get myself to sit down and start. It is weird how our crafts reflect our deepest emotions. The wild look in that woman’s eyes, reflected in her crochet speed, and actually everything in her life; hat I only learned later. Her life was a mess. Only this morning, I realised that my reluctance to start spinning yesterday, was a reflection of the fear deep inside of me. I was scared to start. Scared I would mess it all up. I have no idea where that fear came from, but it kept me occupied the whole of yesterday.
In case you are wondering, I CAN spin. I learned to spin on an Ashford double-drive, a wheel perfect for spinning fine lace, so yes, I can spin. I challenged myself a couple of months back to see just how fine I could spin and the results were amazing. A 4-ply yarn ended up light fingering weight. That was some serious lace spinning. This time however, I want to spin a single in light fingering weight, so that I will have a light sport, more or less when I make a 2-ply yarn.
The moment I started, my feet wanted to treadle fast. My fingers wanted to draft thin. Everything in me was racing. Whereto? I had to slow everything down. Do you have any idea how hard it is to slow down when everything in you wants to race? I am sure you do. I had to treadle slower, draft slower, and concentrate to keep it slow. Somehow, the fast actions of the lace was imprinted into my body. Once again, my craft reflected what I felt inside. Overwhelmend. Wanting to run away from it all. In a hurry. Whereto?
My drafting isn’t perfect and the single is somewhat uneven. Thick and thin. Not much but still. Other times it would irritate me immensely. Today I decided to just embrace it. As I sat and concentrated on the slowness, my mind started wondering as it usually does when I am spinning. We so badly want to control everything, but we can’t. We so badly want to run away from this covid world, but there is nowhere to run to. We so badly want perfection in everything, but our own human make-up is everything but perfect.
Today I choose to not think about the world of covid outside my house. I choose to just accept the thick and thin yarn that isn’t perfect. Life isn’t perfect, but here in my house, life is as perfect as I accept it to be. Today I choose to stop running. I choose to just treadle along at a slow rhythm than feels peaceful right now.
I said it in the previous blog and I will say it again: embrace your craft. Embrace the thick and thin imperfect yarn. For me now, here, in this time and space, it is perfect. Perfect and peaceful.